Letters from Chowchilla Women to San Jose Girls

United Playas speaking at Chowchilla State Valley.

Do Positive Things

To Whom It May Concern:
At the tender age of 17, I was offered a plea bargain of 250 years for being a gang member involved in a drive-by shooting. I thought I had homeboys who were supposed to be down for me, but they weren’t. They turned state evidence on me. They got on the stand and spoke on things that had nothing to do with the crime at hand. Naturally they were released, while I got a 61 to life term. The cold part is that they call themselves men.

The purpose of my life story is to let you see life can be handed to anybody. The system wants gang members - Blacks and Mexicans because they feel we’re not worth being anything in life, but a waste of air. So why not lock us up for lengthy sentences and get paid legally? In prison we work for 8 cents an hour. I shouldn’t say work. I really mean slave for pennies.

There are also the emotional feelings you must deal with. The simple questions with no answers such as: am I going home? When will this nightmare end? Will my mom still be around to see me come home? Will my kids remember me or accept my past faults? Why me? These emotions and physical issues are some things you will have to deal with.

Gangs aren’t for anybody. Focus on your education and staying positive and productive. Do positive things and remember just because you’re young doesn’t mean it can’t happen to you. Nowadays us juveniles are being tried as adults, which means adult sentences. Think before you act and don’t let anyone’s negativities direct you into doing things that aren’t positive.

Much respect,
LW

Life Goes On for People and I’ve Become a Memory

To Whom it May Concern:
I was 16 years old when I was arrested and this was 20 years ago. Today, I am 36 years old, and I have spent more time incarcerated for the same crime than I have been out in society. I was tried as an adult and sentenced to 25 to life. At the age of 17, I started my time in the California Youth Authority. Scared, alone, confused and away from my family I had a different adjustment period. I have spent all of my 20’s and nearly all of my 30’s incarcerated. My 16th, 18th, and 21st birthdays were all behind bars. These birthdays should’ve been a pivotal time for me and they were far from that.

Throughout my incarceration I’ve seen suicides, brutal beatings, drugs, people nearly over dose. I, myself have endured the severe pain of losing a loved one and not being able to say goodbye and comfort them. I’ve felt the pain and loneliness of family and friends forgetting about you because you’re (I’m) locked up. Life goes on for people and I’ve become a memory.

Due to my selfish actions not only did someone lose their life, a family lost a daughter, sister, and granddaughter. My own family also lost me, their only daughter. My family is locked up with me too -mentally, that is -in that they have also lost their daughter in a sense.

I have many plans for my future; I have always wanted to help troubled youth and being a founder of the Young United Playaz Program has only instilled that want in me even more. I want to reach out to troubled youth and provide better opportunities for a brighter, more successful and productive future. I also plan on advocating for change in the legal system, eliminating giving anyone under the age of 17 a life sentence. I am very passionate about this. I have done a lot throughout my incarceration such as: obtained an Associates Degree, a Bachelors Degree in Business Management, became a certified paralegal, a certified lifeguard, and I have been a facilitator for many self help groups. Life is what you make of it and I’m here to tell you that it can all be done in the blink of an eye. So don’t live for the moment, it’s not worth it. I’d do absolutely anything to be able to turn back time and try this all over again. And the real sad thing about my situation is that I am not the actual perpetrator in my case. Don’t let this happen to you. Think before you act. Be careful of your friends and surroundings and never forget that you are loved, cared for and cherished by many. Life is what you make of it; make it a good one. Good luck in your life journey.

Thoughtfully,
Anna H.

Helping Others Who Wear the Shoes I Used to Wear

To Whom It May Concern:
Being born in Compton, California in the early 80's, I grew up in a time when gangs were very popular. I quickly learned, bang on your own free will or be forced into a situation you have no control of. So I decided to bang. Being young and wanting to be accepted in that lifestyle, I did some things that made me wish I was never created. When I became a teenager, I was buck wild. When I hit 17, my karma knocked the life out of me. I’m paying for it now with a 61 to life sentence.

I could make the decision to dwell on the past or become a better person within. I’ve chosen to be a better person and take all my life lessons and use them to help other youngsters who are wearing the shoes I used to wear.

I know the emotions we carry when we feel we need approval from our peers. I know the physical pain your body endures when you’ve done something so bad that you wish you could take it away. I was lucky to never want to turn to drugs to fill in the blanks I had in my life, but I did use the street life to complete what I felt was fulfilling my life. All those things didn’t make me happy because the more I ran the streets, the more I wanted to run even harder.

From time to time I replay my life and ask myself, was it worth it? Naturally, it wasn’t because my freedom ended at 17. Now I’m approaching 30 and I wish nothing more but to have my childhood back. So kid, think before your childhood is ripped from you by something that’s not that important -- a street that doesn’t belong to us nor has done anything for us.

Anonymous