Rites of Passage – Part 1

Indian Americans will routinely discuss their political leanings, trade notes on wily ways to gyp the taxman, tell one another about the cheapest grocery store for buying almonds, and argue about the best cruise deal for Alaska. However, if there’s one topic they’re not exactly dying to debate — it is death.

The first wave of Indian immigrants that arrived here from India in the 60s and 70s is fast ageing. Death has begun to knock on their doors at least as often as taxes. As Zoe Alameda, a funeral director at the Alameda Family Funeral and Cremation in Saratoga, CA points out, most people have no idea if what they have left is five minutes or 55 years. Her one word of advice is: PLAN. Alameda says that planning ahead for the inevitable can ease the pain and confusion for your loved ones and spare them the emotional turmoil of second-guessing what you would have wanted.

Cultural inhibitions make planning for one’s passing largely taboo in the Indian American community, but shouldn’t we devote as much time to this subject as we do to the other areas of our lives? Here is a primer to help begin the conversation.

Planning for Your Passing

1. Make a Will or Trust
A Living Will lets you outline important healthcare decisions in advance, such as whether or not to remain on artificial life support. A Living Will includes a complimentary Health Care Power of Attorney that allows you to appoint someone you trust to make critical health care decisions for you.
A Last Will, an important part of an estate plan, is used to distribute property to beneficiaries, specify last wishes, and name guardians for minor children. It is an important part of any estate plan. Without one, the courts will make these critical decisions for you.
A Living Trust is used to transfer property to beneficiaries. But unlike a last will, a living trust is not usually subject to probate court, which can take years and cost thousands in court fees. A Living Trust includes a free Last Will and Testament to name guardians for minor children and specify last wishes.

2. Complete an AHCD and POLST Form
Completing an Advance Health Care Directive (AHCD) is important for all individuals over 18 years of age if ever they are in a position where they cannot speak for themselves, such as an accident or severe illness. An AHCD allows individuals to appoint an agent who has the power of attorney to make care and treatment decisions on their behalf, and give instructions about their health care wishes. Alameda points us to the Terri Schiavo case where a legal battle between the wishes of her husband and her parents involved numerous legal appeals which could been avoided with an AHCD.
The Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST) program is designed to improve the quality of care people receive at the end of life. It is a communication of patient wishes to a doctor and a promise by healthcare professionals to honor those wishes. A POLST is not the same document as an AHCD; POLST is a new form introduced in 2009 that may only be completed by a doctor. An AHCD is a form you complete yourself. Your doctor can tell you if your medical condition warrants a POLST.

3. Create an “In Case of My Death” Folder
The folder should contain financial details, life insurance, bank accounts, investments, social security number and military records. Alameda says parents should tell their grown children where the physical folders are kept along with the location of any virtual files on a computer.
Vandana Kumar of San Jose, who lost her husband, Rajiv, 10 years ago to lung cancer (it was eight months from diagnosis to death) is grateful to her husband for his meticulous bookkeeping both during their life together and after his diagnosis. “In addition to explaining the details to me before he went into surgery, he made sure that my brother-in-law knew all the details of the financial folder as well,” Kumar says.

4. Plan Your Funeral or Cremation Ahead
Planning ahead offers peace of mind for you and your family. What most people don’t realize is that dying is at least as expensive as taking a vacation. Today, the most basic funeral service will run a family about $7,000 (10 times the cost of a service in 1960) and if you want to go in pomp and style, it makes sense to make your wishes known well ahead by planning the details with a mortuary.
Selecting a casket (a requirement even for a cremation) can be mortifying because of the variety. Some people would kill to lie in a $13,000 solid dark mahogany exterior with a pearl velvet handcrafted interior, but others may go online to Walmart to order the cheapest one. “People from your community typically go for the most basic,” says Ronald Davey, a director at Alameda Family Funeral. It turns out that in death as in life, Indian Americans are downright practical.